But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
