Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
