Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
