I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
