I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
