This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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