i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
