I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
