I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
