Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
