I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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