Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize