btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
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