1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
