please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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