would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize