we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
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I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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