porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
