I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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