I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
