Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
