In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
