my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
