i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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