then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
