if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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