I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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