Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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