She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
