sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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