You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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