Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
