you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
