just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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