my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
