yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
