my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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