Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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