His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
