In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can text with my tongue
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
