I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
