I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
