u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
