Where is the hickey?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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