he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
