DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
