I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
