Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
