Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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