sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
