turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize