shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
