We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
