she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
