I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
