I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
