my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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