You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
