great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
