Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
