I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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