I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
