You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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