Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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