Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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