I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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