Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
