So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
