literally had 100 drinks last night.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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