I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
