So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
