just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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