he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
