We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
