My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
