You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
